Curated Clicks: 'Star Wars' Has Got 99 Problems (Well Actually Like 41 and Counting), MAD SPOILERS

We cut the crust off the Internet sandwich so you don't have to. 


"Star Wars: The Force Awakens," a movie some people liked, kicked the snot out of opening weekend records.

The Force may be horribly imbalanced in favor of the light side, and "Star Wars" actor pay may be horrendously unfair to everyone except the already-rich Harrison Ford, but hey, the story was good, right?

Wellllllll maybe not.

Seth Abramson broke down two score problems plaguing the newest Star War, including a major point about creativity (A MULTIPLICITY OF SPOILERS):

Is there any other film franchise in the history of cinema that would be permitted, by its fans and by critics, to recycle so many plot points? Luke destroys a Death Star; Lando destroys a bigger Death Star; Poe destroys the biggest Death Star. Anakin kills (the Jedi’s) Younglings; Kylo Ren kills (Luke’s) Younglings. Leia, Luke, Han, and Chewie end up in a trash compactor; Captain Phasma ends up in a trash compacter. Poe and Finn steal a ship they’re not supposed to steal from a hanger; a young Anakin steals a ship he’s not supposed to steal from a hanger. Luke watches Obi-Wan die; Rey watches Han Solo die. The Emperor and Snoke both appear (at first) exclusively via holograms. The Millennium Falcon negotiates tight spaces at top speeds in every film. There’s a den of iniquity on Tatooine, and a visually identical one on Takodana (Maz Kanata’s home). Rey climbs dangerously on the interior of a Death Star, as did Luke. Han gets shown up (as to military and technical smarts) first by Leia, then many years later by Rey. Obi-Wan disappears where no one can find him but Luke, then Luke disappears where no one can find him but Rey. Kylo Ren and Darth Vader use the Force for an interrogation. The First Order’s General Hux is the same Nazi-with-a-British-accent as every Empire officer or petty official before him. Rey falls in love (we think) with a young scamp, as did Padme. The Resistance headquarters seems to be the same movie set as the Rebel headquarters from decades earlier. Poe is a crack shot, like Luke. BB-8 is the new R2D2. Kylo Ren is related to Han, just as Darth Vader was related to Luke.

Image via Lucasfilm/wcm1111/flickr


Sonny Bunch and Max Landis continue the "rain all over your 'Star Wars' parade" parade by pointing out the main character hurts the story by being too darn powerful for no good reason:

Of course she knows about [Force powers no one ever taught her]. She knows all about those things because she’s just wish-fulfillment, because she’s a stand-in for the author of the film who has himself basically just made a fan film mashing up elements of Episodes IV through VI.

Because she’s a total Mary Sue.

Image via Justin Kern/flickr


See the Empire v. Rebellion struggle as the staid Ken Burns would have presented it (and remember, the Rebels only won because they're heartless monsters who lied to teddy bears):

The Washington Post: 'Star Wars,' if it were directed by Ken Burns

A few more bites: 

"Barack Obama sought the presidency hoping to be the Democrats’ Reagan: a president who changed America’s ideological trajectory. And he has changed it. He has pushed the political agenda as dramatically to the left as Reagan pushed it to the right, and, as under Reagan, the public has acquiesced more than it has rebelled." - Peter Beinart explains the fundamental liberal shift in American society under Obama, via The Atlantic

"I don't know enough about [encryption] be able to say what it is, but I have a lot of confidence in our tech experts." - During the Dec. 19 Democratic debate, Hillary Clinton, whose campaign could not say who her tech experts were,  called for a "Manhattan-like project" to bomb the security out of everybody's iPhones, via FCW

"[S]o weird that I didn’t even try." - An ostensibly Chinese student at Oberlin claiming that the General Tso's chicken, which is not a traditional Chinese dish, in the dining hall was not authentically traditional enough and was thereby kind of racist, via The Oberlin Review